My Flag

In highschool, my best friend bought me a rainbow beanie which my parents forced me to give away. I have not seen this prized beanie since. The first pride month after my highschool graduation had me coming out of the closet online, to which I was pressured to delete the post every day until I finally caved in. In college, my church gave me a large pride flag as a show of their support, which I had to hide during the pandemic and eventually had to give away. Now this is all I have left of my flag; a figurative representation of my identity, because the physical one was too upsetting that I was told time and time again to tear it down. This came at the cost of triggering my self-harm tendencies, and impressing an anxiety disorder upon me, which taught me that I should be afraid to express myself because it will be met with hatred, disgust, and a dangerous degree of anger. What they don't get is that just because you make your child hide their pride flag doesn't mean you have erased who they are, and it did not remove the pride I have in who I am. Hanging a rainbow near me would most certainly jeopardize my psychological safety and wellbeing, but that will not stop me from flying my flag someplace where it can be seen. I carry my real pride flag with me in my heart with each step I take, but that one is only for my eyes. This is my space to hang my flag where all can see, but none can take it down. This is the flag I won't be asked to give away or hide because it makes the family look bad, and this is the place where my flag can stay. Whenever I see a pride flag in public, I know that someone else had to raise that up, and that no one else had been able to take it down. This is my flag that I have raised up, and I will keep it up...and not let it be taken down again.